Besides You Always
by kyotoprincess
Summary: Gilbert doesn't believe he's worthy to be by his master's side. He's a vile person who's killed more than his share. He's useless in many ways. Oz doesn't care about it; he still cares about him. Adn worst of all, Oz still forgives Gilbert.


Ahh, what to say? Well first off, I wrote this because I saw this picture where Oz was comforting a crying and angst Gilbert. Oh! It was absolutely cute; I wanted to hug Gilbert myself! And so, I decided to make this small story. I doubt you'll like it since I've been neglecting my editing and fanfictons here (especially my Vampire Knight stories D:)

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_I never though that…_

Gilbert watched Oz talk and laugh with Alice's small fits and Break teasing her. It was a slow day for the group and it wasn't even 1:00 yet. But he continued to watch them, uninterested yet interested. He was uninterested in the commotion the stupid rabbit and insufferable fool were making; he was only interested in his master.

_I noticed it but…_

_I didn't want to believe it._

"It's okay Gil! It's not like you can do--"

Gilbert looked up, his face was in shock. Yet Oz looked back with the same level of shock when he saw his face. Gilbert stood up, knowing that it was inevitable. He walked away from Oz, knowing deep in his heart, he really **can't** do anything about the seal. The accursed seal that seal the boy's fate. His footsteps carried him down the empty hall, away from the staring eyes behind.

_I had a feeling this would happen._

_I just… I just didn't want to believe it._

_But… it still hurts._

Gilbert remembered those cold nights where he would dream of his master's return. His heart ached in pain and hopefulness. And sometimes, he felt like he was dying. And sometimes, he felt like he was being revived. He remembers how the moon mocked him before he slept. He remembers the screams that echoed in his room, torturing him.

Gilbert looked up to the shiny gold knob. He doesn't reach out; he just **stared**.

_Sometimes, I wonder if you would forget me._

_I..I think it's better that way…_

_But…_

Somehow, he winds up in his room. Or rather, the guest room in the Rainsworth household. Its bare and plain, much like his room back at his house. A giant grandfather clock towers the room in the corner, near his dresser. It reads 11:45. Lunch was coming soon but he didn't feel hungry anymore. Gilbert was never used to eating now. He had somehow survived on coffee and tea. A sigh escapes from his lips. He's not tired though.

_I'm jealous of the stupid rabbit._

_Yet I feel like she's better for you than I am._

_Am I really_ that _useless?_

His body leads him to the edge of the neat bed. Gilbert feels his legs collapse on him, his back against the bed now with his arms out. Gilbert feels **weak** like this. He remembers, he was okay with being weak. When Oz was his master. But now, he **detests** it. He curses under his breath and leans back up, propping him to a slumped sitting position.

His hand lazily picks his pocket pulling out a fresh cigarette box. He rips it open and pulls a lighter out, lighting the butt. When he inhales it, everything seems calm now. But he only smokes a couple of times before he lets the smoke linger in the air, watching it intently.

_Haha, you're a perceptive kid._

_So it wouldn't surprise me if you noticed my weird behavior._

_I try to hide it though._

"Gil?"

Green eyes and blonde hair sticks out from the doorway. Gil only looked for a mere moment, taking in the sight. His eyes seem to drag to the side, eyeing the plate. His hand with the cigarette automatically pushing the butt out; he isn't making **any** contact with Oz.

His eyes now look down on the carpet, noticing the follow of footsteps into his room, the closing of the door and swish noises made as Oz walked toward him. Gilbert doesn't want him near. That's what he **says**.

"Gil?" His voice is laced with concern and worry.

Its enough to make Gil look up. It's a decision he **regrets** as he sees the green eyes staring at him in such a way. In these green eyes, he sees the concern and worry **much more** clearly then having him call out to Gilbert. The emerald eyes widen a bit and Gil abruptly looks away. He knows that Oz saw what was wrong with him.

"I-It's nothing," He all but assures the blond.

His arms twitch and he could feel it. Then a **warm** hand is on his shoulder. He looks up and sees the boy's face and a reassuring smile. His heart tightens a bit and his stomach sucks in. But most importantly, he feels like he's in pain. **Gilbert** feels like he's in pain.

"You know you can tell me anything,"

He knows. Gilbert knows that's true. But still, he feels he doesn't deserve the kindness. He doesn't deserve his friendship or trust. Gilbert knows… that its true, he can tell any and **everything** to Oz. But, he isn't the Gilbert that he knows. He's a vicious, cold-blooded killing machine. And by the look in the blonde's eyes, he knows that he's told everything to the boy.

_Without even speaking a word._

He looks down and his vision is blurred. The tears fall, one by one, on the red carpet as its being absorbed in. The tightness in his heart is still there; the pain increases too. He feels like he's about to throw up but he's **far** from it. The tears continue to fall and he's scared to open his eyes, fearing more will fall. He feels **pathetic** as he cries in front of his master and he can't even stop.

"It's okay Gil,"

Gilbert could tell there was a smile on his face. But he wanted to see it for himself. His eyes slowly opened itself before quickly being blurred again. Yet, he saw the smile, the reassuring smile. So **clearly**. He felt the boy's hand on his cheek and tears went at it, though slowly now. **Oz** was holding **his** face up, and Gilbert wasn't complaining; he wasn't fighting it. There was no need to complain **anyway**.

"I-I don't-- I-I d-don't--" Gilbert couldn't help but to stutter.

Arms are wrapped around his shoulders and head. He's able to stop crying as his eyes shot open, staring against the boy's clothing. He could feel the breath against his head and hear his heart beat against his rib cage. _Thu-Thump. Thu-Thump._ **Thu-Thump**_._

"Yes, you do. You deserve it more than I do… _Gil_,"

His voice was **soft**, Gilbert noticed. He doesn't understand his master's reasons behind his reasoning, for his actions.** _But_ **. . . . that's why he doesn't say anything about anything. That's why he's willing to stay in position he's in, comforting both him and his master. His arms reaches upward and pulls his master closer; this was the **only** time he could do this.

His heart doesn't feel so tight anymore. Just for the moment though. He knows it'll come back soon, but now **wasn't **the time. He feels a smile against his head. It was enough to make him smile.

_I know that I don't deserve it… but…_

_You always make it seem that I _do_._


End file.
